60 Nights of Horror #13: Gothic
Tonight our friends Gus and Kyle came over to watch Gothic with me and Trevor. Gus is a Ken Russell scholar and happens to be one of the funniest people I know. We just spent the whole evening giving our own commentary, and it went down some filthy ass rabbit holes and inside jokes, but here are the highlights:
The five minute intro gave everyone a chance to piss
Thomas Dolby did the music for this??
40 year old Tim Spall as 17 year old John Polidori
Claire has the best hair
little girls are chasing Percy Shelley, release the hounds
"they love me, how can they be insane?"
Percy Shelley, avid sailor, bread enthusiast, believed that you could get fat if you sat next to a fat person
john polidori at the top of the stairs with the goat, Ken Russell's way of saying he's the Nancy Reagan of villa deodati
Alas, I have no virtues
meat gives a ruddy complexion, but vinegar makes you pale and pretty
Claire has perfect hair, perfect hair forever more like perfect Claire forever
She was educated as everyone else, she was just fucking ANNOYING
"fugitive? from what crime?"
"from fact and fantasy!"
Sure thing Dr. Seuss, you sister fucker.
everyone here is a power bottom
I want to do an automaton act
crooked ass cross
john polidori can't even pray straight
naked rooftop Percy Shelley got that cake, how many takes did it take til you got the best shottadat cake
not leeches in the RICE
"they only suck blood my lord "
plowed upon the gigantic cod piece I don't think this is a fear
orgyyyyyy whoa Gabriel Byrne's got puffy nips I'm obsessed
polidori is the mom friend
whose horrible feet are those?
christ Natasha those are sad toes
Claire's Horrors?
bruh more like Mary's Horrors
Claire had a seizure cause of those terrible feet
lord Byron is so bored, he would crawl over 50 Claire pussies just to get to one Percy's asshole
but also sitting at the pianoforte Byron's vinegar sign of the cross on polidoris head it's so fuckin gaayyy I want them to kiiiiiiiiiss
oh he makes the maid wear a life mask of his sister man is it my birthday
Percy is obsessed with the boobs with eyes
I too have seen Wicked City (WICKED TIDDY)
Postpartum depression means not even Percy can't make Mary feel better rn and SHE apologizes
Claire, you're like the end slice of bread, everyone touches you but nobody wants you
oh don't drink that Johnny, go suck some feet
The Nightmare, painted by Henry Fuseli in 1781, is currently located at the Detroit Institute of Art, and I wanna go. I wonder if Lord Byron ever actually owned it.
They went to the dollar tree and bought all the creepy cloth for this barn.
Kyle: "I didn't know they had fishnets in the 1800s."
Me: "How do you think they caught fish?"
Gus: *pounds chest*
Kyle: "bruh"
Kyle, moments later: "I don't think Mary cared that Byron made her boyfriend's butt whistle."
this pool table confrontation scene is *chef's kiss*
lord byron: I been drinkin' , I been drinkin'
lord Byron getting his red wings means Claire ain't pregnant, just saying
that is SO much jizz, christ
I also saw the staircase
"Okay but what if Colin Firth AS Michael Petersen played Percy Shelley"
"He WISHES he wrote Ozymandias"
But there IS an owl in the attic
just a mad tourist with a scissors you big baby
"what god will destroy, he first makes mad!"
there is SO much JIZZ did the owl do this?!
poor baby you are so high you saw breasts with eyes have some more vinegar you stupid sweaty gay
polidori isn't afraid of cock, he's afraid of god
this movie is poetry in motion
Shelley was afraid that he had a doppelganger ONCE and Ken Russell said "this goes in the movie"
Byron: "How many times have I told you not to FUCK MY TOYYYYYYS?!!"
Shelley: "ugh get OFF OF ME and get me some BREAD"
He ALWAYS had bread in his pockets
Okay but Tim Spall has a beautiful ass
Quentin Tarantino loves feet, Ken Russell loves ass. Everyone in this has an ass. We only haven't seen Gabriel Byrne's cause he said you get tits or ass, and his harem pants are hiding his diaper which he's only wearing cause Mary Shelley is wearing the I Just Had a Baby diaper, he's showing solidarity and she still won't fuck him. This woman is so insensitive to his needs
A MONSTER BABY
Stefon: "This film has EVERYTHING."
Mary: "but haven't we raised the dead?"
Gus: "checkmate, atheists!"
Gabriel Byrne got these TIDDIES
Gabriel BURN has a bad history with fire
the diaper erasure in this film didn't prevent feral Claire from shitting straight up her back like a baby
the boys finally kithed while Mary's here slowly applying clown makeup
Percy, avid sailor, didn't know how to SWIM, WHY SHOULD HE KNOW HOW TO SWIM THE BOAT IS ABOVE THE WATER
It's important to note that this all this happened in 1816, the year without a summer, when the sky was blackened with volcanic ash.
gus: "I had to explain what ICP was to a Polish person the other week."
you'll get used to our nights here at Deodati THE HELL I WON'T!
Jason Voorhees, too high to function, forgets what he came for every time he enters the room.